Wednesday, 18 July 2012

a series of letters I wrote to myself (don't ask- therapy is for bored, rich people)


Dear Taila,
You have freedom young lady. Freedom between your legs, beneath your feet, in your stares, your tantrum kicks and daring licks. Freedom. There’s none of it for mommy’s girls and precious curls. Just freedom: a homemade rendition. No serpent self-loathing to coil around a wondrous heart. No ghastly, wooden wounds or whiny bullshit blues. Merely freedom, the stuff of wind and dirty feet.
My freedom, your freedom. It tastes like uncontrollable light. Your saving grace. Your mother’s plight. It is raw and naked. It is yours.
Love,
Taila 

Dear Taila,
Sometimes, it’s ok to be unfocused. Undefined and slightly confused. You need no lines of definitive authority.
Because life is ambiguous and so are you. Flesh is inconstant and misleading, step forth as spirit and soul. Wait for old age to excuse your madness and reinvest yourself into the loyalty of character.





Love,
Taila

Dear Taila,
RELAX!
Don’t allow the somber feelings to manifest. Not in your room or in your head. Unzip your skin of all attire and dust off the stigma attached to your bones. You are popularly alone so make friends with yourself. Befriend talent, flaw and the fine line in-between. Fear not the time to be unsettled. Let time sooth you like reckless water, replacing limbs with ticks and tocks and simple serenity. Lounge about like feline and empress and taste the day for its lesson. To relax is to release and replenish. Do not fear a little laziness.
Love,
Taila

Dear Taila,
No more suitcase of pity, that baggage of weighty sighs and self-made lies. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. And you are mobile. As fleeting as a bird in pose, as a toddler on their toes. Not fickle and inconstant but fleeting. Fleeting like beauty and lust and a lover’s anger. You are a traveler, a soulful gypsy. Not anchored to earth but winged. A winged spirit- not demon nor angel. Don’t sit in a box and wallow and wail. Be bold and boisterous and say ‘shit” and ‘fuck” with dainty, pretty lips. Pay no attention to fickle folk and pretentious pilgrims. You are alone this journey. Alone and content.
Love,
Taila

Dear Taila,



Get out of the box.
Be rootless.





Love,
Taila

Dear Taila,

These feet have waltzed me from youth to ignorance
Where I now pour limbs for those made of glass
And money
Wet and green
Like and early lawn
Where I would sit as a child
And believe in God.
Little feet-
Stay grounded and unruly.

Love,
Taila

Dear Taila,

Sold to godly highs and demonic lows
I wrestle with the tails of gargoyles
(the stone thieves of my sanity)
In the absence of mercy
I am left losing the wits I had never truly owned
The wits that belonged to mothers and fathers,
Presidents and mobile homes
The wits that belong to the petri dish in which I had been grown
(And I am mad
So very mad)
Love,
Taila

Dear Taila,
Sin.
Sin-g
Sin-ister
Sin-cerity
Sin-gle
Sin-king

There is sin everywhere. Do not fear the commands of a manmade God. You are a living, breathing vessel: sin is inevitable.
Sin is fun.
Love,
Taila







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